Depression, Anxiety, Red Ants and Monster Crickets

So I wake up this morning at 3am and go outside to smoke and find all our trash all over the yard. We have packs of roving dogs in the subdivision and they somehow got into our cans and diapers were everywhere. As I was cleaning up the mess in the dark (YUCK!), I felt stinging on my feet and realized I was standing in red ants. Both of my feet are full of bites and they itch like hell.


So how was your morning?

So, I’ve been depressed now since I had the flu and I can’t seem to shake it. I’ve been spending a lot of time in bed, and when I’m not sleeping, I am moping around the house making everyone miserable. The wife has been surprisingly helpful the past few days, but I think she is finally at the end of her rope with me too. Last night she told me she wished she never married me.

It must be hard to deal with me when I am “in the shit” like I am now. I can’t even stand myself. I know I’m probably never going to get better, and that makes me sad, but a little relief now and then would be nice. If I’m not depressed, I’m anxious. If I’m not anxious, well you pick something and I am probably feeling that.

Damn, my feet itch!

Since I am stuck progressing with my saving money website since I have no money, I have been working on my depression website. Right now I am trying to come up with a name. Sometimes I think this is the hardest part, because not only do you have to figure out a name, you have to make sure the domain is available. I’ll fill you in on what the site will be about as I build it. At one point I may even ask for help from my fellow bloggers.

You would think I’d have more to say since I haven’t written for a few days, but I don’t. My brain is in a knot and nothing is coming out like I want it to.  Maybe I will write something later if the fog has cleared.

(A dinosaur-size cricket crawled in the house and I have spent the past 15 minutes scrambling around on my hands and knees in the kitchen with a slipper trying to get it. Now it’s hiding somewhere. I’m waiting for it to start singing the song of its people, or jump out and fly in my hair. At least it’s just a cricket and not one of those huge sewer roaches that like to fly in and terrorize the family.)


I think that’s all I can manage for the day. I wish I had something profound to impart to you, but I don’t. I guess every post doesn’t have to be a winner, but it would be nice if I could write something that people connect with once in a while again. I know the words are in there somewhere, I just wish they would come out. Right now I can’t feel them rotting and festering somewhere inside me, like a cancer.

I just feel so tired: mentally and physically. I know you know how that feels. Am I right?


4 thoughts on “Depression, Anxiety, Red Ants and Monster Crickets

    • I really like your style of writing. I have always been a firm believer in being honest when you write, and I can feel that when I read. I am following you now cause I want to see where this goes next. Just be yourself, and be honest.

      I would change your tagline to something a little more personal though. Just a thought!

      • Thanks so much for your feedback. I have no idea what I am doing, but I love the chance to connect to others who are dealing with a lot of the same issues. Look forward to reading more of your posts!

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