Just finished yet another post for my soon to be launched website, and after reading it, I realized just how bitter it sounded. I was talking about saving money and realized just how much of it I’ve wasted. Drugs, medication, doctors, hospitals, beer, fast-food and electronic gadgets I never really needed, are just a few things I wasted money on. I’ll never know how much money my first wife spent on who-knows-what. I’ll never get back the money I spent on my kids instead of investing my time and love in them.
I spent my life working jobs I hated to pay for other peoples’ lives who didn’t much like me because I was never there to spend time with them. And when I got sicker and went on benefits, and there was no more “love money” to be had, I was abandoned to my own devices because they didn’t want my real love any more.
At times like this I feel like I wasted my life. Sure, now I am doing things differently, but all those years before are gone and I left a trail of broken people along the way. My kids hardly talk to me and when they do, it’s just a bunch of pleasantries. I try to offer advice, like a real dad, and I am met with silence.
I wish they would listen to me so I could tell them not to waste their lives like I did, chasing after things that would never make me or anyone else happy.
I’m not living my life like that anymore. I spend time with baby Z and my wife and show my love every chance I get. I don’t work to just buy things I don’t really need. I am trying to simplify. Sure, I get push-back from my wife who is young and still thinks that useless things are going to make her happy. But, she is learning. I married a smart woman. Yesterday she asked me why I don’t like to spend any money on myself. I hope she understands that I don’t need much to be happy. I have everything I need in her and my beautiful baby.
I must admit that I still do walk by that 50 inch flat screen and drool a bit. I still have a lot to learn, but hopefully I have time in my life to learn it.
I wasted the first half of my life, but I am not going to ruin the rest.