I was once talking to one of my Psychologists, and I said, “I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I will be mentally ill for the rest of my life.” She got angry with me because she seemed to think that severe mental illness was curable.
I asked her how.
She said that with medication and therapy it is possible to live a relatively “normal” life.
“So what you are saying is that severe mental illness is curable?”
She smiled that smile that doctors get when they think they are talking to an idiot and said “Of course it is.”
I mimicked her smile and asked, “Doctor? How many people have you personally cured?”
She wouldn’t answer me, and she wasn’t smiling anymore.
I’ve asked that same question of every Psychologist and Therapist I have been to since that day and have never gotten an answer. I am still hoping one day one of them will tell me that all I have to do is take this little blue pill and everything will be all better. But, I’m not going to hold my breath.
And what is “normal” anyway? Everyone I know is fucked up in one way or another. The only people who seem happy are these “life coaches” I run into on the internet. But I bet underneath that million-dollar smile their lives are shitty too.
Do you know anyone who is truly 100% happy (if you think the definition of normal is being happy)? I don’t think in this day and age that it is possible.
I would settle for 50% happy.
No one has the answer. Religion promises happiness if you love Jesus or Budda or some other “higher power”. All you have to do is pray and have faith. I wish it were that easy.
I don’t think medical science will come up with an answer either. There will never be a little blue pill. They will just keep churning out “newer and better” medications and our medical providers will keep pushing them on us even though they don’t work and the side-effects are worse than what you are being treated for. But hey, at least the drug companies gave them a sweet new pen to write out prescriptions with.
So no, I’m not holding out much hope that there will be a new pill or therapy that will cure what ails us.
So I am just going to grab at every little happy moment in my life and focus on that. When I am sad I am going to remember my wife’s smile after I kiss her for no reason, or the joy in my daughter’s face when she hugs me before going to sleep.
I guess that will have to be my “normal” and that will have to be enough for me.