“Those who say life is knocking them down and giving them a tough time are usually the first to beat themselves up. Be on your own side.” ― Rasheed Ogunlaru
Back in my younger days, when I was a web design manager, I always had to worry about the competition and other groups within my company sabotaging my efforts.
Now that I am older and out of the corporate world, I only have myself to worry about, but I am realizing that my own mind is a more diabolical saboteur than any of my colleagues ever were.
Over the past couple of days, I have been deep in the process of researching a new project I am working on. I know very soon that I need to get started, but my brain is caught in a loop of negative thoughts, and I find that I am listening more than I should, and it’s holding me back from what I need to do. Even when I am able to get past the negative thoughts, my brain throws up a shield of depression and anxiety to stop me from doing anything worthwhile.
Instead of doing the things I need to do to ensure my success, I have been stalling and pulling inward in order to protect myself from these feelings.
My parents and my wife keep asking me why I am so depressed and anxious, but I can’t come up with one good reason to tell them.
The only thing I can think of is that I fear failure and I fear success. Planning this new business has been forcing me out of my comfort zone. The “what if’s” in my life are causing me to freeze up and not move forward:
What if I try as hard as I can and I still fail at my business?
What if I succeed, but the depression and anxiety get in the way, and I can’t continue what I need to do to stay a success?
The bottom line is that I am scared. This isn’t the first time I have dealt with these feelings. I have let these feelings ruin so many good things I have tried in the past. I can’t believe it’s still happening; that I keep allowing it to happen.
I wish I could ignore my mind’s negativity, but I feel like it is stronger than I am. I feel weak, and every day it keeps getting worse.
I know what I need to do, I just hope I can build enough strength to overcome this fear I am dealing with.
Has fear kept you from doing the things that would make you success? I would love to hear your thoughts.