I’ve been living with this feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach for the past few days. I just had a brief “AHA!” moment, and realized what is causing it.
I am scared of the unknown and drowning in self-doubt.
It Comes From the Past
I’ve sadly trained myself over the years not to try new things. I’ve tried to keep my life structured and not put too much stress on myself. Stress causes more anxiety, and I already had enough of that. I liked things to remain “boring” because if I don’t have any expectations forced on me, I’m calmer.
So, I purposely kept my life simple so I didn’t have to deal with the emotions that come with responsibility.
Changes are Brewing
A little over three years ago, I got tired of living the way I was, so I started taking chances. I left the U.S. for the Philippines and got married again. My wife got pregnant and now we have a beautiful child. These were very good choices for me but still caused a lot of stress in my life. I also stopped taking my medication a couple of times, which were not good choices, and it caused me to have a meltdown each time. I got over it with the help of more medication and the love of my wife, but it took a while.
Now I am changing things again. Even though my mental state is not in the best of condition, I am trying to move forward with my life. I think I am making good choices, but the idea of changing everything again is causing me terrible anxiety.
What is changing you may ask?
I am starting on the courses to become a Freelance Online Copywriter. My background is in Web Design, so I already have a little experience with content creation, so it won’t be much of a stretch changing my career.
But, my mind is full of the “What-ifs”.
What if I get sicker and can’t finish the courses? What if I can’t get jobs? What if I can’t complete jobs or make deadlines because I get depressed? What if I’m not good enough to be a copywriter?
It just goes on and on in my head all day.
I know I should stay positive and not think like this, but my mind has taken over and is playing all this self-doubt and fear over and over.
I don’t even know if what I am feeling is normal nervousness, because I have only felt the abnormal feelings since I was a child.
How do you deal with self-doubt and fear? Is what I am feeling “normal”?
Please leave a comment and let me know what you think.