After 18 years of marriage, she didn’t even bother to tell me in person, she just left me a note.
I had been in a mental hell for quite a while: depression, anxiety, voices, racing thoughts, paranoia, and suicidal tendencies. I slept much of the time because the only place I felt safe was in my bed. I wasn’t working, I was collecting disability benefits, but I took care of her and the kid’s needs. I even took care of her father who was living with us: bathing him, feeding him and cleaning up his diapers.
I knew our marriage was over several years before actually ended. I would have ended it long before if it hadn’t been for the kids. But, she was the one who actually severed our marriage ties.
Her letter said it was my fault she cheated on me. She couldn’t handle my illness anymore and wanted someone who would pay attention to her. She had been seeing another man for several months and I didn’t know because I was trying to just stay alive. All I knew was that she was going to the “casino” every night after the kids went to sleep. I guess I would have figured it out eventually despite my mental state.
But, I guess I can say when it happened, that the only reason I was sad was for the kids. I never mourned the loss of my marriage. She never did anything to help me, or take care of me when I was sick and then there were the lies.
I moved out 2 weeks later, and her boyfriend moved in the day after I left. She didn’t care what effect it would have on the kids.
After I left, I went on a downward spiral which ended with me taking an overdose of pills and ending up in the hospital for the third time.
She had already moved on. She didn’t even bring the kids to see me in the hospital. The only thing she was worried about was that I made sure I gave her money so she could pay her bills.
But, I never held a grudge against her. I forgave her right away. She didn’t care though, because she still believed that everything was my fault, and she didn’t need my forgiveness.
To this day she won’t admit she did anything wrong.
This post was a response to the Daily Prompt: Tainted Love for February 22, 2014:
Ever been dumped by a boyfriend or girlfriend? Was it a total surprise, or something you saw coming? Tell us your best worst breakup story. Never been the dumpee, always the dumper? Relate the story of a friend who got unceremoniously kicked to the curb. Change the names to protect the innocent if you must.
Photographers, artists, poets: show us RELEASE.