Negative Thoughts: Regrets and Burdens

There are days for me, like today, where I feel like my life has been one big waste. In addition to not doing anything special in my 45 years, I feel like for much of it, I have been a burden to everyone I love.

I know it’s just my sick mind talking, but I can’t seem to shake this negativity I have about myself.

I know I have made a little impact on this world by being a father of four great kids, but I also know I have made their lives more difficult than it should have been. I know that my mental issues made it hard for them and at times I have been nothing but an embarrassment. I am happily surprised that they turned out as good as they have, despite the tough times we had.

Even though I was taught as a child not to plan for the future, because the world as we knew it was going to come to an end, I still had big dreams for myself.

What happened to all those dreams?

When I got out from under my parents and their religion’s wings, I was going to do big things. I was going to go to college and be a writer, like my idol Stephen King, and travel the world, exploring every nook and cranny.

Sure, I did actually go to college for a while, but I never finished up my Bachelor’s Degree, and I didn’t study writing like I wanted to. I never became a successful writer. I didn’t travel: the closest I’ve come is moving to the Philippines.

I didn’t make my mark on this world like I wanted; I just did everything I could to make everyone else happy.

Do you know what keeps me going? I am only 45, and I still have time to right what I perceive to be wrongs.

I have a lot going for me. I have a wonderful wife who supports my dreams of going back to school and becoming a great writer, and does the best she can to help me stay sane. I have a baby daughter who makes me smile, even when I’m not in the mood.

Even after all that, I still let negative thoughts take over my brain, and no amount of medication will help.

How do you battle negative thoughts?

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6 thoughts on “Negative Thoughts: Regrets and Burdens

  1. I don’t do battle with negative thoughts and I don’t support that war-like approach at all. I urge you to replace all battle analogies with healthier ones because they are not helpful.

    Everyone’s mind generates a wide variety of pleasant, unpleasant and even horrific thoughts on a continual basis whether awake or sleeping. Know that. Know also that grabbing negative negative thoughts magnifies them and charges them emotionally. Doing that leads to sinking into a quagmire of negativity that leads to paralyzing depression.

    Negative thoughts are like dark clouds that scud through the sky. The sky doesn’t grasp clouds and squeeze rain and bad weather out of them. Most clouds simply pass across the sky without leaving any precipitation or a rainbow behind. They form and they move along.

    The meditation practice I have used for years is to become a detached observer. I become like the sky and don’t grasp onto negative thoughts. I don’t examine them and agonize over them and you you don’t have to do that either. Like all thoughts negative thoughts will pass and if you don’t grab onto them and squeeze them then they won’t rain on you or reign in you.

    P.S. I have beginner meditation practices in my blog that may be helpful. Please check them out and don’t ever fault yourself for being human. All human brains generate negative thoughts as well as positive thoughts. The mind does not have to grasp onto the thoughts and images the brain generates. The mind can make another choice.

  2. Negative thoughts are the worst. To help I have others tell me positive things about myself. As for no contribution, you are contributing via this blog and I think that is great.

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