These days, all my duties and obligations revolve around my mental illness. Things get done, or not, depending on my mood or symptoms for that day.
If I had a day where I would magically have no mental health issues, I would do all of the following:
- I would plan something fun with my wife and Baby Z, and actually DO IT! I have lived in the Philippines off and on for the past three years and haven’t really seen much of this beautiful country. I would go to the beach, do some island-hopping, go to a few outdoor markets or go to one of the restaurants I always pass by but never eat at.
- I would call my parents and my kids who live in the states on Skype and actually have a normal conversation that doesn’t involve asking me how I am doing that day.
- I would go to the mall and do some shopping, or even one of my favorite things I used to do: people-watching. I could actually enjoy myself without wondering if I was going to have a panic attack or not.
- I would read something like a book or magazine. It sounds like something simple to do, but when you have so much going on in your head, you can’t concentrate on anything.
- I would go and finally meet all my neighbors so they don’t think I am some kind of freak.
- I would ritualistically flush all my medications down the toilet while singing “Joy to the World”.
- I would chat with each and every friend on Facebook, just to see how they are doing.
- I couldn’t finish writing a book in one day, but I would definitely get a good start at it.
While I was sitting here writing all these down, a thought came to me: Why am I not doing any of this stuff now? I don’t have to do them all in one day, but why can’t I do one or two a day? Sure, it’s hard to enjoy anything when I am depressed, anxious, paranoid and panicky, but if I didn’t try to put too much pressure on myself, I might actually be able to do more than I am doing now. I could probably do everything on this list on a regular basis, with the exception of flushing all my pills down the toilet.
I think the biggest take-a-way I got from this is that I will never do anything if I don’t at least try. Sure it’s scary to do new things, but if I don’t try I will one day find myself at the end of my life having done nothing with it.
This post was inspired by the Daily Prompt: Nuthin’ But a Good Time, where we were asked to write about:
Imagine that tomorrow, all of your duties and obligations evaporate for the day. You get the day all to yourself, to do anything you please. What types of fun activities would make your day?
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