Why do I Hate Liars So Much?

My first wife was a pathological liar. Our whole 20 years of marriage was basically a series of lies. She got so used to lying that she would do it without even thinking about it.

Over the 20 years I was with her, I many times wanted to expose her, and give her an ultimatum that, if she ever lied to me again I would leave her. But, I never did, because for most of my life I have been a doormat, and I let people walk all over me.

One of her more memorable lies happened before we actually got married.

I had started to finally realize just how much she lied, so I was going to move back to Tucson and leave her in New Mexico. But, that didn’t fit with her plans so two weeks before I left, she told me she was pregnant.

I have always been a “stand-up” guy, so she knew I wouldn’t leave her behind. My parents were providing a place for me to stay until I got an apartment, and when I told them that she was coming with me, they said if I wanted to live in that house, I would have to get married. They still treated me like I was still a Jehovah’s Witness, so I never told them that we had been living together in sin.

So the day we arrived in Tucson, we got married. I was only 18 and didn’t want to be married, but I had little choice in the matter.

Two months passed and I was starting to wonder why she had not been to a doctor for her pregnancy, so I asked her. She told me that two weeks before she had a miscarriage and forgot to tell me.

SHE FORGOT TO TELL ME?

I knew she was lying, but what did I do about it? Nothing. I did nothing. I wanted to yell at her. I wanted to scream that it was not fair, but I didn’t.

That lie set the tone for our whole marriage. I couldn’t ever tell when she was lying or not.

Now, I have a wonderful wife who is truthful about everything and I am trying to forget all those years of hell.

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This post was in reply to the Daily Prompt: With or Without you where our instructions were to:

Tell us about the time you threw down the gauntlet and drew the proverbial line in the sand by giving someone an ultimatum. If you’ve never handed out an ultimatum but secretly wanted to, describe the scene and what you would say to put an end (one way or another) to an untenable situation.

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10 thoughts on “Why do I Hate Liars So Much?

  1. When we talk about the damage that abuse does, I feel that being lied to is almost as damaging as anything we can have done to us. It destroys something deep in our core, something that is essential for survival. It makes us lose trust. And trust is as necessary as food or air for survival. I’m so sorry for the pain your wife’s lying has caused you. It’s clear, it’s caused damage that feels disabling. My hope is that you can one day be free of this pain. You deserve so much more.

  2. Speaking from the other side of the fence, I used to be a pathological liar. It started when I was 13, and it ended about a month ago to be perfectly honest. It’s still really hard, but I started lying to hide my life and my memories. Eventually my whole life turned into a lie, and I couldn’t even tell the lies from the truth anymore…One day I snapped. The only person I DIDN’T lie to, was my husband. I could confess anything and everything to him, and I knew I was safe from ridicule or hate.

    • I’m glad your husband was there for you, it must have been hard keeping all those secrets.

      I am also glad you finally broke free from lying, even though I am sure you had good reasons for hiding things about yourself.

      Keep up the good work!

      • My mother never believed I was molested so that’s how it all started. I lied to her telling her she was right. My brother went to prison for raping a girl and it was all over the news. When people asked me if we were related I said no. Thankfully my story collaborated because we looked nothing alike. He looks identical to my father, and I look like my mothers younger version. I told people I had the best mom ever, and went on with stories of all the cool things she did, when she did none of those things and was a verbally abusive mother. It started from there and spiraled. I was wrong for lying, I should and could have done other things. I was young and stupid and I kept it going foolishly. I could never lie to my husband, but he kept catching me in the lies with others and he’d ask about it but I’d brush him off. Last month right before I started the blog actually, so a little over a month ago I sat him down and explained it all to him. With a hug and a smile he said he’d walk with me hand in hand and help me through this. I’m glad you got away from that toxicity, and you’re with a good woman. I’m sorry you had to go through it, I’ve put someone through it in a way, even though I never actually lied to them. It’s a horrible feeling(at least for me). The guilt killed me, and finally it built up so badly, I had to just burst.

        Sorry I rambled. I kind of do that…

  3. Pingback: Daily Prompt: With or Without You | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

  4. My roomate/good friend in college was a pathological liar. There were times I realized she is lying and when I tried to confront her based on it, I was made to feel as though I was the one who was wrong ! For 5 years I put up with her and one fine morning suddenly snapped out of it and realized I could just walk away from her (esp because college had gotten over and I really could walk away!) Dealing with her have made me less trusting of others. It has been hard.

    Glad you are blessed with a wonderful person now. God bless ! 🙂

  5. My second husband has a narcissistic disturbance, and lied frequently to me and others. He often lied about silly things, but also lied about important things. Over time, I lost all respect for him. I have had addicts in my life that lied to me as well. It is challenging to learn to trust others when your trust has been broken by others. I am learning though. Great post!

    • I too developed trust issues from my experience with my first wife.

      But I am in a good place now because my wife is a liar at all, in fact, sometimes she can be brutally honest. It’s refreshing!

      Thanks for coming by and commenting!

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