Sexual Abuse: The broken child

I just tried to go back to sleep for a while after I wrote my posting for today, but images of the guy who molested me kept coming to my mind.

Ever since I wrote about the abuse I have been having bad thoughts and dreams about that time in my life. It’s so vivid to me, it’s like it just happened yesterday.

I have many different feelings about the abuse, but I think shame is the most prevalent. I know it wasn’t my fault that it happened, but that doesn’t stop the shame from making itself known. I always wonder if there was something I could have done to stop it.

One other emotion I feel is anger: Anger at him for doing this to me and anger at myself for obsessing about it. There is nothing I can do about it now. I can only hope he found himself in jail for preying on little kids.

I wonder if he did this to other kids in the neighborhood?

The image I think of the most was looking over at my brother while being abused, and him not doing anything about it. I would love to ask him what he was thinking at the time, but he is dead. So I have to live with these unanswered questions.

One last thing I feel anger about is the fact that I didn’t tell anyone about it, leaving him free to molest other kids. I could probably have saved a lot of other kids if I had just dealt with the embarrassment and told someone.

I regret my silence.

 

 

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Sexual Abuse: The broken child

  1. When we carry shame, there is nothing in our life that will work. You know I write about this all the time. Shame. So hard to get off your back. But talking about it. Writing about it. ? It will set us free. I believe it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s