It’s not writer’s block, it’s brain fog

It’s been so hard for me to write anything worthwhile. I keep starting posts, but my mind won’t let me finish them so I end up quitting and saving them as drafts for later. I have about 10 drafts right now that are half-finished.

Like this morning, I started to write about why I don’t have any friends, and for a while it was going well, but after a while the voices and my own poison thoughts blocked up my brain and I wasn’t able to finish it.

The fact that I can’t write anything is causing me even more anxiety than I already have. I don’t have writers block, more like writers fog, because I can think of plenty of things to write about, but my fucked-up brain keeps me from finishing anything I start.

All hubris aside, I think I am an intelligent person, but all the crazy running through my head is making me feel like a moron. I can’t even have a good conversation with my wife because all my words are swallowed up by the noise in my head.

I have experienced this before, but it was never this bad. I just sit here and hope that the new dosage of medication will finally clear my head and I can write again. At least when my brain clears I will have plenty of drafts to finish.

For now, I guess I will just write what I can. I always seem to be able to write about how I am feeling at the moment. Besides the voices and the uncontrolled racing thoughts I have depression, anxiety, paranoia, suicidal thoughts and the ever-present panic attacks.

My wife and I have been trying to figure out when all this shit started and I think it was shortly after my psychiatrist lowered the dosage of all my meds. She mostly did it because I mentioned that I was having a hard time affording all the pills I was on. Now that I am on higher dosages again, we are back to spending all our money on medications. This causes me so much guilt and makes me feel weak-willed, even though I know it’s not my fault.

I just hope all my readers will stick with me as I am going through all of this. Things will get better, I just don’t know when.

Please follow me on Twitter: @SchizoIncognito


4 thoughts on “It’s not writer’s block, it’s brain fog

  1. I’m so sorry. Brain fog is the nasty side effect of medications. So unfortunate. And why so many give up on the meds. It may just be a matter of time before things become clear again. give yourself permission to not be Ernest Hemingway for now. We’ll stick with you.

  2. Inability to focus is frustrating for any writer – add in med’s and mental fog from illness and that’s hell. Congrats on finishing at least one post and ‘bon courage’ for getting better.

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