The voices are affecting my writing. I have many topics rolling around in my head, but as soon as I settle on one, the voices that have taken up residence in my brain start to scream at me, and it causes me to have a lot of anxiety. I don’t think they want me to write about anything else except for them.
The voices are different now. I use to only have three voices in my head that would talk to me: the baby, the woman and the grandma. Now it seems like I have hundreds of voices talking and yelling for attention at the same time. The only way I can describe it is if you turned on the radio and all the stations came on at once, and all the DJ’s are screaming for attention.
It’s hard for me to make any sense out of what they are saying. They are all jumbled up with the tangle of thoughts that have been there already. The voices and the racing thoughts don’t get along. The noise in my mind is like the mall at Christmastime: crowded and loud.
So you can probably imagine what it is like to try and sit down and compose an intelligent post. I was doing fine before when it was just the racing thoughts I was dealing with. I even used those thoughts to help create my posts. But the voices are not helpful at all.
The doctor tripled the dosage of my anti-psychotic and anti-anxiety medications, but so far they have done nothing but cause me to feel sleepy and stoned. I noticed yesterday that I started slurring my words and my eyeballs feel dry and swollen.
So I hope you stick with me for the next couple of days while I fight to express what I am feeling. Hopefully the meds will start to work and I can finally write something with substance.
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