Ever since I wrote the post Anger Management: Road rage, I have been trying to control my anger when I am driving on the roads. I’ve done a fairly good job, so I have expanded the control to other areas of my life where I sometimes experience anger.
I’ve found that really the only other time I get angry is when my lovely wife gets in to one of her rages. More times than I would like to count, my wife loses control and starts to yell, most of the time for no good reason. I never know what she is going to get mad at, so I often walk on eggshells around her. I don’t do this because I am scared of her, but because I usually respond with my own anger.
My wife’s rages always follow a pattern. I never know what is going to start it off. For example, yesterday she mentioned it was Valentine’s Day next month and asked what we are going to do. I didn’t answer right away because I hadn’t made plans yet. We were eating at the time, so I looked up from shoveling food in my mouth and immediately could tell she was angry. I was powerless to stop it. She started yelling about how I never do anything for her, how I was an insensitive bastard and she wished she never married me. I quickly lost my appetite, so I got up and put my plate in the sink. This didn’t stop her tirade, she was already to the part where she says she hates me and wants me to pack up and leave. Instead of responding with my own anger, I closed my mouth and let her vent. The problem with letting her vent is she never runs out of steam. She continued ranting the rest of the day, and I did my best to avoid her. I found out something about myself yesterday. When I don’t release my anger, all I am left with is sickening depression. Granted, when I used to get angry and yell back at her I still ended up hopeless and sad. Now I just go straight to the dumps, and sitting there alongside depression is my other friend, anxiety.
I really can’t stay upset at my wife for her rages, she truthfully can’t control them. We have talked about it in one of her lucid moments and have decided she is going to see my psychiatrist next month when we have the money. I can’t stand the pressure and stress anymore, and neither can she. We just spent a tearful moment talking about it, because I told her I was writing about her, and I know she hates her rages as much as I do.
I know she is probably going to go into another rage today and my stomach boils with anxiety at the thought of it. I know I will spend another day depressed. This is my life for now. But I know she will finally get some help and one day very soon she won’t respond to everything with anger.
As for me, I am going to continue to control my anger and I will deal with my depression and anxiety the best way I can.
Have any of you dealt with similar circumstances? Please leave a comment and tell me what’s on your mind.