When I look in the mirror, I can tell I have gained weight in the past few weeks.
I am not surprised, because ever since my doctor changed my anti-psychotic over a month ago my appetite has been out of control. I have been eating everything I can get my hands on, even though I feel full most of the time. The only exercise I get is pushing baby Z around in the stroller every so often.
I have been fighting with my weight for a long time now. I think it started getting out of control after the first time I was in the mental ward. They warned me that most of the 8 medications they put me on would cause me to have an increased appetite. It didn’t bother me at the time because I had been thin for my whole life and I thought my active metabolism would keep me from getting fat.
Boy, was I wrong…
In the course of 2 years I gained over 120 pounds and gradually increased from there over the next decade. I went from a size XL shirt to a 3XL. I carried most of my weight in the stomach area. If I wasn’t a guy, I know people would have been asking me when the baby was due.
I tried every diet I could get my hands on, but my weight stayed over 300 pounds.
It wasn’t until I moved here to paradise that I actually started to lose some weight. In 2012 I lost over 90 pounds without dieting. The weight just fell off my body. I was sure I had some horrible disease because I lost so much weight without even trying. I hadn’t changed the quantity (I still ate just as much food as I normally did) just the quality of food that I ate. Before I moved out of the States, my diet consisted of hamburgers, pizza and fried chicken. When I got here, there were no fast food restaurants close by so I ate what was available and didn’t snack between meals.
It was nice being thin again. I could actually find clothes that fit me and my wardrobe didn’t consist of sweats and big t-shirts.
I don’t want to get fat again. I keep making plans to walk every day, but I still don’t do it. I try to tell myself to slow down and don’t eat so much during meals, but I always eat until I am so full I can’t move. I keep telling myself that I will lose weight again after I get out of this depression I have been in, but what if my mental state doesn’t get any better any time soon?
My wife assures me that no matter what weight I am, she will still love me, but I don’t love myself when I am fat.
I guess I just need to stop hoping for perfect conditions and just do what I need to do to lose weight or at least maintain the size I am.
Are you on a diet and if so, how is it going? Please leave a comment and tell me your story.