My weight: Gaining and losing, but mostly gaining

When I look in the mirror, I can tell I have gained weight in the past few weeks.

I am not surprised, because ever since my doctor changed my anti-psychotic over a month ago my appetite has been out of control. I have been eating everything I can get my hands on, even though I feel full most of the time. The only exercise I get is pushing baby Z around in the stroller every so often.

I have been fighting with my weight for a long time now. I think it started getting out of control after the first time I was in the mental ward. They warned me that most of the 8 medications they put me on would cause me to have an increased appetite. It didn’t bother me at the time because I had been thin for my whole life and I thought my active metabolism would keep me from getting fat.

Boy, was I wrong…

In the course of 2 years I gained over 120 pounds and gradually increased from there over the next decade. I went from a size XL shirt to a 3XL. I carried most of my weight in the stomach area. If I wasn’t a guy, I know people would have been asking me when the baby was due.

I tried every diet I could get my hands on, but my weight stayed over 300 pounds.

It wasn’t until I moved here to paradise that I actually started to lose some weight. In 2012 I lost over 90 pounds without dieting. The weight just fell off my body. I was sure I had some horrible disease because I lost so much weight without even trying. I hadn’t changed the quantity (I still ate just as much food as I normally did) just the quality of food that I ate. Before I moved out of the States, my diet consisted of hamburgers, pizza and fried chicken. When I got here, there were no fast food restaurants close by so I ate what was available and didn’t snack between meals.

It was nice being thin again. I could actually find clothes that fit me and my wardrobe didn’t consist of sweats and big t-shirts.

I don’t want to get fat again. I keep making plans to walk every day, but I still don’t do it. I try to tell myself to slow down and don’t eat so much during meals, but I always eat until I am so full I can’t move. I keep telling myself that I will lose weight again after I get out of this depression I have been in, but what if my mental state doesn’t get any better any time soon?

My wife assures me that no matter what weight I am, she will still love me, but I don’t love myself when I am fat.

I guess I just need to stop hoping for perfect conditions and just do what I need to do to lose weight or at least maintain the size I am.

Are you on a diet and if so, how is it going? Please leave a comment and tell me your story.


9 thoughts on “My weight: Gaining and losing, but mostly gaining

  1. Ugh… I hear you with the insatiable hunger… I have previously suffered with Eating Disorders and have mostly been underweight. I’ve done a lot of research on the weight gain caused by anti psychotics because despite being recovered, the thought of weight gain still freaks me out. Anyway, I’ve learned the following things…

    1. Anti psychotics mostly cause problems with metabolism, hence you were eating the same and lost a tonne of weight when you werent on them. Best ways to increase metabolism are exercise, eat little and often, and have a routine… Go to bed the same time, and get up the same time, sleep cycle makes a big difference to metabolism (I know how freaking difficult this is).

    2. On top of that, anti psychotics cause cravings. Don’t do these diets where they tell you to cut something out like carbs. I eat my cravings, if Im craving fat Ill eat something fatty. Otherwise, you’ll feel hunger more intensely if you’re not eating what your brain/body wants.

    3. Regulate blood sugar levels, dips in blood sugar cause crazy hunger, the kind where you’re shaking. Anti psychotics totally mess with blood sugar and some of them can even cause diabetes. You can eat sugary food, but combine it with complex carbs like brown bread, fruit, etc. If I want a chocolate bar, I’ll eat it alongside a healthy type sandwich. Doing this anyway will help your mood, Im overly sensitive to the effects of low blood sugar, it really affects my moods, so regulating it so it doesnt get too high or low, really helps.

    4. If you are on extended release and are really struggling with weight gain, ask if you can take the normal version. I get that hunger only a few hours a day because it wears off as I’m not on extended release.

    Hope some of this helps and dont forget to remind yourself of all the good things anti psychotics give you.

    • Thank you for all the wonderful information and advice. It is greatly appreciated.

      I just got switched over from Haloperidol (which didn’t make me hungry but had other horrible side effects) to Resperidal and I am struggling. I am trying to take to heart what you said and look at the benefits of being on an anti-psychotic.

      Thanks for commenting!

  2. I recently started losing a bit of weight myself, and being the slight hypochondriac that I am, also thought I might have a tape worm or something. But no, I changed my diet too, and one of the things I did almost unconsciously is stop eating before 8pm. Once its after 8 and I feel hungry, I eat some oatmeal or drink juice, to get the edge off. I also eat more oatmeal now, and try to cook more often (but fail just as often). But yeah, little changes like this helped me. I hope this helps. 🙂

    • I usually go to bed pretty early because I get up at 2 am every morning. It is my writing time. I have to be careful not to eat during this time because it messes up my whole eating cycle during the day.

      Thanks for the advice!

      • No problem! Oh, and now my work (as of yesterday) has made me participate in the a company wide walking event. So now I have to walk around the store with a pedometer. It works as extra motivation.

  3. My weight has fluctuated so much because of psych meds. My parents got frustrated buying me new clothes so we had boxes labeled size 4-18 and when I’d change size, I just go get one of the boxes. Being female I have been repeatedly ask if I’m pregnant or when the baby is due, that doesn’t help body image at all!!! I also have metabolic issues because of the psych meds mostly high cholesterol but I also need to watch my blood sugar.

    I’ve just made some life style changes. Eating smaller portions, trying to eat fruit even if it’s just in a smoothie. Eating a big lunch and skipping or having a small dinner. Only eating one dedicated dessert a day. Of course I don’t follow these all the time, especially if I’m having a rough day and I don’t let it be the end of the world. Since making these changes I’ve lost 2 pants sizes, though my weight is still mostly in my belly. Still on all the same psych meds and my cholesterol meds. It’s just stuff I need to live with in order to be sane.

    • I agree its hard to stay on track when you have a hard day. I have been having one bad day after another, so I have been struggling to stay on my diet and exercise plan.

      Thanks for coming by and commenting!

  4. Schizo, weight control is a battle that many of us have. We’re way UP, get back down, back UP. . .seems once we develop those fat cells, even when they shrink, they are always sitting there waiting to be filled up again. Dang! Then, throw in things like MEDS-sheesh! My eating disorder began as a little girl, and the pressure to lose weight was always on me (so I became a sneak eater). Now into adulthood, food produces guilt. (Which is such a bummer when food is necessary to sustain life.) The one “diet” that I believe in with all my being–and I hate to call it that because it is so easy to maintain a lifestyle with it forever, is Weight Watchers. My husband and I each lost 50 lbs on it about 10 years ago-maintained our goal weight for years, and then just decided to eat whatever in the hell we wanted–oops!
    So, we’re back on it. You can do it ON Line–its very easy, and healthy. And the #1 thing that helps us is we make a big crockpot of their 1 point Vegetable soup to keep in the crockpot (I make a big batch and fill the crockpot each morning when I make coffee.) You can have a cup of that any time throughout the day and it will zap your hunger and is so good.
    So, there you have MY 2 cents worth 🙂 Just know, you have my total understanding on this bugaboo!

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