I think you will agree that when you are lost in depression and anxiety, you don’t really think about appreciating the wonderful things in your life. I never did, and I have been thinking, I’m not doing it now. I was in bed with my wife yesterday, trying to take a nap, and it occurred to me that I am stuck in a rut again. I am worrying about my mental condition, and not paying attention to the amazing things going on in my life right now. I am preoccupied with just getting through the day and getting back in bed at night to sleep the pain away.
I have always used sleep as a coping mechanism and it affected my life in a bad way. Instead of spending time with my first wife and three boys, I slept all day and night, and I lost them along the way. Sure, my first wife had her problems, but she had her good points and I never tried to see them. My kids grew up without a father, because I was always in bed. I feel like I wasted that part of my life and made the kids feel like I abandoned them. Now sadly, it’s hard to get a word out of them. I have a Facebook account so I can chat with them, but the only parts of their lives I see is their statuses. I am on the outside, looking in.
My wife now works so hard to make this a happy and healthy home. Sure she is young, but she is a remarkable wife and mother. She has her moments of irritation and anger, but everyone does. I should be showing her in every way just how fabulous she really is.
My daughter is such a happy and sweet baby. My wife told me I need to pay more attention to her. Why am I ignoring my daughter? I should be showering her with attention and love, not worrying about when I get my next nap.
I also have awesome parents who love me unconditionally and who never go a day without saying they love me, even though they are thousands of miles away. My in-laws are great too.
Now I have another chance in life. How do I get past all of this depression and anxiety and show them every day just how awesome they really are? How do I slow down my life and show them my appreciation and love?
So, I guess you can say I am making a New Years resolution. I am going to take hold of this opportunity to make this second chance at life a success! My wondrous family will know every day that I love them and I will cherish every moment I have to spend with them.
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