What a difference a day makes

Depression

Depression

If you read my post yesterday, you will know I was in a very bad place. Depression and anxiety had taken over my mind and by the time I went to bed, I was thinking that I would kill myself if I felt the same today. I woke early today like I always do to check blog traffic and to see if I have any comments and I still felt bad. I went back to bed and woke up at 7:30 am, took my Prozac like I always do and a short time later, after I was fully awake, I felt a little better. The anxiety is still tearing apart my insides, but the depression has been muted to just a portion of what it was yesterday.

I have been dealing with this anxiety since I tried to stop taking my Clonazepam like my doctor asked. I was only removed from it for a day, but my mind and body never went back to where I was before I tried to stop, feeling very little angst. The depression before yesterday had been at a very manageable level like the anxiety. Yesterday scared me a little. It’s amazing just how fast my moods can change.

Now that I am thinking a little clearer, I am trying to figure out just what happened to me. Was it just a case of the after-Christmas blues, or something else? I think I need to talk to my doctor and find out if we can do something about this that doesn’t involve taking me off my medication. This is a bad time of year to try and change my cocktail of pills. Coping with the withdrawals is too hard for me and my family.

My wife has a hard time dealing with my illness. But, I think allowing her to read this blog has helped somewhat. I am hoping she will come to understand, even just a little more what I deal with every day, and what my horrible past has done to mold me into the person I am now.

Now if I can just maintain my level of depression, while figuring out what to do about the anxiety, I will be fine.

Follow me on Twitter, @SchizoIncognito

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2 thoughts on “What a difference a day makes

  1. I’m so very sorry of your struggle the last couple days. I didn’t read your post yesterday or I would have checked in.. The last I read, you had a good Christmas Eve. It seems for many, AFTER Christmas brings a relapse. Everyone had hopes that if they could just get through the actual day, the bad feelings would lift. But it doesn’t always work that way. I’m glad you didn’t choose to harm yourself. I wonder if you could go see your doctor or therapist to really get a solid plan on your meds? This is no time to tough it out on your own. I hope by the time you read this the cloud will have lifted. I’m dreaming of the new year, hoping for renewal. For hope. Hang in there friend.

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