I feel like shit. I haven’t felt this bad for a long time, maybe years.
I don’t know how this happened, I felt fine the last two days. Woke up this morning, felt fine. Sometime in the late morning it hit me hard. I was so surprised I just started crying, and I never cry.
I’m trying to think what to write, but the words just won’t come. I feel so hopeless. I’m going to take a nap. I’ll try to write more later.
I just woke from my 3 hour nap and the depression has lifted somewhat. The anxiety is still there in my stomach and chest. I hate feeling this way. I thought I was past all this, but it just feels like the old days. The old, bad days.
I don’t want to take any more pills because they are expensive here in paradise, and I don’t have the money to buy more. This has been a bad month, expense-wise. Feels like every month I have been here we run out of money at the end of the month. Something else to worry about. At least we have food and a roof over our heads.
I hope one of these days soon I wake and feel good for once. It’s hard to get out of bed when you feel like the world is gonna end. I know the wife is going to get irritated with me if I continue in this pattern. That will just make everything worse. For some reason, it’s very hard for me to make her understand how I feel. I’ll probably just get her to read this. Maybe she will get it.
It’s hard to write when your inspiration has left you. I look in my brain and the words that are usually there to pick and choose from are gone. I feel so empty.
Now that I am fully awake, the depression has come back full-force. I hope this is just one bad day and not the start of something horrible. All of those years of crushing depression and anxiety are coming back to haunt me again.
Sorry for the short post. My words are gone.