I was going to write a post about how unfair my wife is by not understanding that I am sick, in mind and body, and I need to go to bed, but the more I sit here and think about it the more I see her point of view. She is 18 years younger than I and never had to deal with a mentally ill person before we got married. I admit that in our chat sessions before the wedding, maybe I didn’t try hard enough to make her understand just how broken I was. I love her so much and I am willing to go through a little pain to make her happy. One day I am hoping she does start to understand me. Maybe she can help me understand myself.
My first wife had an affair and divorced me because of my illness, or at least I like to tell myself that was the reason. If I was honest, maybe I would say that it was because I slept for 20 hours a day, or that I never payed any attention to her or my 3 kids. I would like to blame my condition, but if I want to tell the truth, it was mostly my fault. I should have seen the signs and did something about it.
I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes a second time and ruin my marriage. Sure, I don’t think I can put all of our problems squarely on my own shoulders, she does have to carry some of the blame. I have to admit that she is moody some of the time and does get angry very easily. But I can see that she wants to spend time with me and wants me to be a father to our 1 year old. I can’t do that if I spend all of my time in bed feeling sorry for my sorry ass.
If I ever want to recover, I am going to have to start being honest, and be willing to put up with a little discomfort.
Am I right or wrong?