I have been on psych medications for around 25 years and have felt my share of withdrawals. But these past two weeks have been terrible and hideous.
It all started on my December 4th Doctors appointment. My Haloperidol was causing me to clench my jaws and have overwhelming anxiety episodes, so she put me on Aspidone and told me to stop taking it. Not even a step down period, just cold-turkey. I was somewhat ready for the withdrawals when they started on the morning of the 6th. I felt like I had a bad case of the flu. The body aches were the worst thing. It started getting better on the 14th, but I was still not feeling great.
I had another appointment yesterday. Most of the symptoms had ceased so I had only good news to tell her. I was feeling better but my wife told me she felt like I was a completely different person now. I have to remember that none of this is easy on her either.
My doc was running an hour and a half late, so we waited in the hot hallway, sweating in the winter heat. After I finally got in to see her, I knew by how fast the other patients came and left that I had little time with her. I told her about my renewed appetite, she told me it was the sleeping pills she had prescribed last time and told me to cut down on my rice intake. I told her about the withdrawals and she shook her head and pursed her lips knowingly. She told me she was taking me off the Clonazepam for my anxiety, but I could see she had closed the file and wasn’t telling me why. I didn’t ask either. I’m a doormat.
Last night I skipped the Clonazepam with my bedtime pills and still was able to sleep. I woke at my usual time, 2am, to write my post, but anxiety flared up in my chest and stomach and I was not able to sit long enough to write. So I went back to bed until my wife woke me at 7am. When I woke I could feel the anxiety screaming through my body, but was still able to eat breakfast (yes, I ate rice). We left the house at 9am to get my Prozac and get a few things at the outdoor market, but I was feeling too bad to go in. So, I sat in the car and tried to remain calm. My stomach was twisting out of control and I was unable to focus on anything for too long.
I couldn’t stand it any longer, so when we arrived at home , I snuck one of my remaining pills and started this post. It’s taken me two hours to finish it, but now that I am done, I feel the anxiety has receded into the background a bit. I don’t think I am going to make it without those pills every day.
I may take a nap.
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