Write about a noise — or even a silence — that won’t go away.
I experience racing thoughts.
When you write it out like that it doesn’t sound like something you would consider to be bad.
But it is. Think about hundreds of thoughts running through your mind at the same time, 24 hours a day. When you try to focus on one thought, it flutters away like a sparrow and the rest of the little bastards flood your mind with images and sound. Think about the volume dial being turned up and down so that each noise or thought has a different level. But remember when you try to focus on a single thought, it scampers away.
People get irritated at me because it never looks like I am paying attention to what they are saying. My wife just yelled at me the other day for not paying attention to her explaining a task she wanted me to do. I am trying to pay attention. But there are many more thoughts, vying for attention. I’m not trying to be rude, but something else is screaming in my head.
It’s very, very hard to write when you have racing thoughts. I constantly have to go back and reread what I wrote, fixing the jumble of words, trying to make it look like a coherent thought. I want to focus on what I am writing, but something else tugs at my attention and pulls me away. It takes me a long time to finish one small post. This little post today took me 2 hours, because the running commentary in my head kept tugging at my attention.
I just was changed back to another anti-psychotic , Risperdal, and it hasn’t succeeded in taming the processes going on in my head yet. But I am still on a small dose, so when I go see my shrink, I will tell them to increase it a bit. I hope my writing gets better over time. This is my third post on my new blog and I don’t think they are good enough yet to consider myself a writer.
So thats it, that is my anxiety. Thanks Cheri Lucas Rowlands for help in coming up with an idea for today.